Love. The one thing we all need to thrive, yet all of us are not supplied with it from the start. The things we take for granted, such as laughter and family. I know I seem dark, and to be honest I am dark. In the end, I did gain my identity.
But what I want, what I truly want...Is someone to be there for me. Someone to tell me that my thoughts are irrational and to tease me till I know they care.
I want someone to realize my incessant babbling is my protection against lingering silence. Silence leaves time for thoughts to grow and morph into something grotesque. It's terrifying.
I don't have siblings and my parents are never around. my mother is a lazy bum and my dad carries the weight of the world on his thickened shoulders. Me, I sit there in the silence.
What if I did have someone to talk to? What if they cared? Would they notice all the imperfections I associate with myself? Or would they help me realize that there is a side to the world not run by greed and hypocrites? A place where you are not forever impacted by your surroundings. I doubt there is such a place, but I wouldn't mind looking for it.
What I'm saying is, well... I'm not entirely sure. I can't hide from reality, trust me I've tried.
What I want is a shield. Something, rather someone, to numb me from all of the horrible things in my life. I want a comfort zone and I envy those who have it. They talk freely of love and warmth, yet speak only of dysfunction when their family is the topic.
It is bizarre to me that you can feel alone is a room full of people. But that is another story, one of human frailty and paranoia. I do wish my thoughts ran in unison, but their disjointed manner leaves a gap that makes me long for the closure I deserve. Or, simply, for someone to fill the silence.