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It’s just after 12 and we are going to go get some lunch. But first we sneak off to our usual spot. I like him. He has a rebellious streak. Everyone tells me he is trouble and I know it. But I love him. His friends call him Lucky because he always gets the girl he wants.
I don’t like that he smokes and I don’t like how much he drinks, but he makes me happy and I like it when he shows me off to his friends. My best friend Tess thinks it’s stupid that he waves me around like a trophy but she is always a bit dramatic with what she says. I still keep what she says in the back of my mind though because she has been my best friend since the day we met in fourth grade. I remember my teacher, Ms. Jacobs, had us work together on something and we hit it off right away.
My parents think I should date someone else, but what do they know. My dad is always at work and my mom is always on the phone and neither of them seems to be happy. My sister couldn’t care less as to what I do, as long as I don’t touch her stuff.
Anyways, as for Lucky, he’s my first real boyfriend and I don’t care who complains about it. We’ve been together for five months and he just gave me his class ring to celebrate it. He graduated high school. I’m a senior. I’m going to college in the fall and he’s finding himself. Whatever that means. His family just cares about family, they’re all really protective of each other. I don’t think they tell him what to do with his life like my parents tell me. I’ve been to his house for dinner a few times and everybody seems so close. His two brothers beat each other and him up but he doesn’t seem to care.
Lucky wants me to go out with him more than I can. As much as I am crazy about him, I want to keep my grades up. I already got my acceptance letter, but I’m afraid if I slack off now, I might loose my scholarship. Money isn’t a problem in my house; my dad is a very successful lawyer. My mom stays at home and does all the things housewives do. Most of this involves shopping, gossiping, and book clubs. I hope I don’t end up like her. She’s smart but never went to college; it wasn’t as popular to do in the sixties. But it seems she kind of gave up after that. I want more than that. But life gets boring and Lucky makes me feel free. He drives up to my house with his leather jacket and his hair tousled from the wind. When I see him, something inside me longs to be as free as he seems. I wish I could go without a care in the world sometimes. But I know I was raised without that kind of thought process. My parents would probably throw me out of the house if I acted like that.
Tess told me about a guy who has a crush on me. I know he was a year ahead of me in school, but I never got to know him. Scott was shy and studious. I know he’s smart; he got into Princeton. But besides that, that’s all I know about him. I haven’t seen him since he graduated. I always hate finding out someone likes me because I act different around them, but at the same time I want to know if a person likes me. It sounds hypocritical but I think everybody has moments like that.




Sara is pretty great I guess. All the guys are jealous so I show her off. I always like to be the cool one. I keep my motorcycle in top shape and show it off too. The best part is bragging to them about when she and I do it in the back of the convertible. I steal it from my dad when he is at the restaurant late, working. I drive out by the lake and we go at it. She isn’t that kind of girl but she is really into me. I’m not supposed to be that type of boy. Catholics get hung up about a lot of that stuff, at least my family does. My grandmother would be rolling in her grave if she knew what I was up to. Whatever. I wear my cross and go to church and all, but what’s good about life if you can’t get with girls?
So I’ve been with Sara five months know and I gave her my class ring because of it. Girls go crazy over that stuff. Trust me, I’ve been with a lot of girls. I met her when she came into my dad’s restaurant with a couple of friends. I work there sometimes as a waiter/busboy. So anyways, she comes in in this dress and I can’t keep my eyes off her. By the time they finished eating, I went up and asked her for her number and she gave it to me! I told everyone the next day about it.
She still goes to Central High, but she’s only ten months younger than me. I don’t feel like going to college but she’s all bookworm. My dad will just let me work for him, and my uncle is a mechanic. Everything I know how to do is right in the family so I don’t have to worry about it. So anyways, I find this great spot behind the closed car factory. It’s our regular make out spot now. I don’t think anybody knows were it is, except a few of the guys. Some nights we go back there and drink. I think I accidentally left a few bottles back there from this weekend. Oh well, I don’t really care. So the other day we go back there and she sits up my lap, and I got to hold my beer in place cause I think she’s gonna knock it off or something like that. For being so prissy and proper, she sure knows how to kiss a guy.
But I’m getting kinda tired of her always studying. I want to go out and party. She wants to care about school. I don’t get what’s so great about school. She always plans things out, plans ahead. I tell her to live in the moment. It’s more fun that way. She won’t do it though. She says her parents tell her it’s irresponsible and that they expect more out of her. I only met her parents once and her dad grilled me for ten frickin minutes about my plans for the future. He was pretty pissed when I kinda shrugged and said I didn’t know. I don’t care what he thinks of me. I probably should though because I am dating his daughter. I’m with her cause of the sex and show her off. I don’t really care who Henry the VIII was, or how many times he was married. She does, and she tells me about this crap all the time.






I saw them kissing again today. The first time I found them it was an accident. I was on my way home from class and I was trying to find new shortcuts. I don’t think they heard me but I’m not sure. Sara is so pretty and smart. I knew who she was in high school. I was a year ahead so I never got a chance to talk to her. She was always in the hall, talking to her friends, laughing and smiling.
When I found out she was with someone, it hurt even more. I never had much luck with girls but I guess I earned that. When I first say her my sophomore year, she was the one and only one I wanted ever since. It sounds strange but unless you know her, you can’t get what I am describing. She walks into a room and suddenly it glows. She has this ability to get people to smile and she brings warmth with her wherever she goes.
Growing up like I did, with a dad in the military, we moved around a lot. Going to new places all the time, I never had many friends. That’s why I never approached her, I didn’t know how too. I hate myself for it because know she’s with Lucky and he is using her. She is so smart and all he cares about is sex. I hope she doesn’t stay with him. I know she is smarter than that. The worst is that I don’t want him to hurt her like he did will the other girls. He just used them and cast them aside like they were trash. She’s more than that and he doesn’t see it. God, it makes me so angry!
Today I saw the two of them again. I don’t know why I went that way again. She was sitting on his lap with her arm wrapped around his neck. Her hair had a wave in it because she always wears her hair in a ponytail. I wonder why it was down today. She has such nice hair; I wish she did wear it down more. I have curls that I can’t manage so I usually keep my hair pretty short. I never did care much about my appearance. I do what’s the easiest. Lucky is so very different than me. He actually bothers doing things with the mass of hair he has. She was running her fingers through I the first time I saw the two of them together. Every time I see her, I want to be with her even more. And when I don’t see her, all I want to do is see her. I am driving myself insane over a girl I have never even talked too. But my mind won’t free her from its grasp. I hope this all works into something good because I can’t take much more of this.
I don’t understand why they have to go and do the things they do in public. Someone told me that factory closed a good ten years ago and it’s a pretty grungy location. The weeds are growing up the walls and the grass hasn’t been cut. Some kids went back there and broke in and sprayed graffiti the walls, b0oth inside and outside the factory. I guess they think it’s pretty private. I might be the only other one that goes that way.