The Famous

James Woods

(not John Galliano), Bernard Arnault, Peter Marino

This guy

Ziggy Marley

Stanley Tucci

Tom Waits

Ray Romano

Billy Crystal

David Letterman

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. Google changed the settings again and I've been busy. No, you deserve better. I promise I'll be around more now. I wish you weren't so upset. I really will make it up to you.

Love,

Carolyn

Teach.

Poems

Words on Pages

Spaces and places

All the things I thought I knew

Or never understood

The words I misspell

The People I know

Or forgot

The things I wish I could say

The people I find beautiful

Who find themselves ugly

Trying to discover

myself

others

Overcoming hate

Overcoming what I thought was right

Learning forgiveness.

Don't Fucking Tell Me What to do

Don't tell me about my grungy teabags

Or if I shouldn't bring a map

Don't ask why I leave so early

Or comment on how much pesto I eat

Girl, lemme be in my own damn bubble.

This day

This morning I went to Rome's Body Worlds exhibit. I've seen the show here and back home in Philadelphia. Both times it has made me question the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. The first time I saw thew show it was only adults that had donated their body to science and it was strange and disturbing what happened from there. Today's show started with a disclaimer about the show being genuine but do not except to find information on the bodies used in it. Corpses of infants, children, teenagers, and adults littered the the showroom. Standing in front of the display of the pregnant woman with an 8 month old infant inside her made me question these people's lives, who they were, and how they would feel knowing they were on display. It was surreal staring at dried out tongues and skin with hair still attached to it. Something about staring into the empty sockets of these empty cavities was other-worldly.

After that I had Italian class then to design class. I'm headed to Milan next weekend. Today in class, we went to Mussolini's villa, which was also surreal. Walking through the empty halls with my friends was sensation I had never felt before. We were alone save for the video cameras. Neoclassical ballrooms, Egyptian themed bedrooms, and breathtaking gardens.

Via Roma

So I've been living in Rome for 12 days now. I've managed to argue with my long-distance boyfriend, make an ass of myself in public, and get lost. I've seen things more beautiful than I can describe and tasted incredible food. I wonder how I will readjust to American life. No walking to the market to buy oranges, or seeing St. Peter's Basilica on the way to class. I won't have any breathtaking vistas to admire, or roses to smell.

Slowly I'm remembering/relearning my Italian. I'm starting to act less "American". I sincerely wish I had brought proper clothing. I wonder why I didn't pack well. Nerves I guess.

I like it here, not enough to permanently stay, but it is changing me. I can feel it.

People

Sorry I'm not worthy enough for you. Actually I'm not. I care what you think of me, you win in that category. Your disapproval of my lifestyle choices are upsetting to me. I worry about what others think of me, as I always try to improve who I am. This is something you ought to work on.

I know I act impersonal with you, it was a conscious choice. As was the decision to be with the people who make me happy. This is why I was not at Christmas. I'm slowly learning to balance happiness with ego. Ego is a dangerous thing. It is necessary to have one, but once it gets out of control, it is a beast to tame.

So why am I impersonal with you? Well have you ever been personal with me? Can you recall how my hair falls or the pattern to my walk? Do you know what I do for a living or who my best friend is? No, I can't answer these questions for you either, and there is a reason to this. I am the black sheep of the family, the outcast you pretend to forget. I've always seen it, you do a poor job of hiding it. I know I don't fit in, and so I started to spend time with the people who accept my eccentricities. It's been much nicer.

I will never please you in the ways I had hoped, trust me I tried. There is no use trying to please the people who shut you down. This is the explanation to my impersonality. It is my resignation to the fact that nothing I ever do will be enough, so I simply stopped trying. Call it a copout, I won't argue that, but realize I had reasons for acting in such a manner.

Please, do me a favor, take the ignorance you have of me and let it grow. Forget me, let me be. Why? Because you will never stop me.