I can't speak German! This was a bad idea from the start, why did I think I would enjoy this? Did I think I would enjoy this?
Here I am, alone. I'm standing in the Frankfurt train station, part of Frankfurt airport. My cell phone plan has decided it does not want to co-operate. I tried using the pay phone and managed to dial Canada.
I am looking for my stop on the chart, I cannot find it. Wurzburg. The stops are listed in German, starting destination, ending destination. No stops. I cannot find where I am supposed to go.
Finally, I work up the courage to ask a stranger for help. He speaks English!
He got me my train ticket, I thanked him and he was gone, already a memory. Part of a reality I was not believing. The whirr of clashing cultures and sounds and people, it was too much to take in, at least in the state I was in.
I was told to go to the long distance trains. I did. Staring at the vast chart of arrivals and departures, I again failed to locate where I was to go. I asked a man helplessly for direction. He sent me to the short distance trains, where a disinterested woman told me she did not think I was in the right area. No one seemed to know where I was to go. People were amused at the lost expression on my face. I was both terrified and embarrassed.
Finally I venture back to the help desk and a new guard is on duty. He is warmer than the previous guard. Alas, I find terminal 4; my original location was the correct one. All the venturing between terminals had been in vain.
Waiting for the train to come, I shiver while I look at the arched ceiling. It reminds me how insignificant I am, how alone I am. My train comes. After compulsively rechecking that I was boarding the right train, and asking a passenger to validate it, I collapse in a chair. As soon as I get to my senses, or at least part of them, I notice the business man listening to American female pop singers. A smile crawls onto my face as I realize that there is always a sense of amusement lurking.
The scenery whizzes by as I speed my way to phase two of my challenge. I sit staring at the window, too afraid to focus on what it shows me. I knew the trip was insane. What was I doing in the country my father tried so hard to forget? He knew it couldn’t be done, if he erased his past he erased himself. So here I was keeping his memory alive. I served as a reminder of his past.
He did not seem to accept who he was. I guess I too was trying to come to terms with who I was, to find an identity in a world so immersed in pop culture. I guess you have to get lost in order to find yourself.
I'm headed to a destination among many. I haven't eaten all day. I'm scared. I'm exhausted. I started off in Philadelphia and then landed in Frankfurt. I'm headed to Wurzburg only to find my cousin so she can take me to the ending point, Waldbuttelbrunn. This is the village where my grandmother grew up. This is the village she left and never returned to.
In essence, I have to go to a town I can barely pronounce, to find a woman I hardly know. I haven't seen her in fifteen years. I don't know her age or what she looks like. Why did I agree to this disaster in the making?
Getting off the train, I realize that I never was told where to meet my cousin. Was I to go into the terminal or remain on the platform? I walk down to inside the station, where a woman approaches me and speaks to me in German, of course. I shrug, feeling helpless again and utter the word “American.” She smiles, at once switching to English.
Pointing back up to the opposite platform, she says “A woman up there is looking for you.” Great, I love lugging my suitcase up stairs. What does my cousin look like? Is she tall? Old? Suddenly, I hear someone call my name, my cousin.
It is over now. I am home, back in a country I can navigate with ease. The experience I had overseas made me appreciate willpower. If you want to accomplish something, you can. It all hinges on whether or not you are willing to put all you have into it. It is an approach I am learning to apply to most aspects of my life, whether it be preparing myself for college or pacing my time to get a project done.
The future no one can be sure of, but I am grateful for my capability to handle stress and unclear situations. It is rare to have the ambiguity I faced in June, but I handled it. I realized this means I can handle other situations with a calmer demeanor, because in the end, you can not have complete control. You just have to work with what you have and that is all anyone can do.