Sorry I'm not worthy enough for you. Actually I'm not. I care what you think of me, you win in that category. Your disapproval of my lifestyle choices are upsetting to me. I worry about what others think of me, as I always try to improve who I am. This is something you ought to work on.
I know I act impersonal with you, it was a conscious choice. As was the decision to be with the people who make me happy. This is why I was not at Christmas. I'm slowly learning to balance happiness with ego. Ego is a dangerous thing. It is necessary to have one, but once it gets out of control, it is a beast to tame.
So why am I impersonal with you? Well have you ever been personal with me? Can you recall how my hair falls or the pattern to my walk? Do you know what I do for a living or who my best friend is? No, I can't answer these questions for you either, and there is a reason to this. I am the black sheep of the family, the outcast you pretend to forget. I've always seen it, you do a poor job of hiding it. I know I don't fit in, and so I started to spend time with the people who accept my eccentricities. It's been much nicer.
I will never please you in the ways I had hoped, trust me I tried. There is no use trying to please the people who shut you down. This is the explanation to my impersonality. It is my resignation to the fact that nothing I ever do will be enough, so I simply stopped trying. Call it a copout, I won't argue that, but realize I had reasons for acting in such a manner.
Please, do me a favor, take the ignorance you have of me and let it grow. Forget me, let me be. Why? Because you will never stop me.
